Douche Zoo

So there’s this new lounge in the city. Last weekend I had guests in from out of town, and the suggestion was made to give this place a shot. Somebody knows the promoter, the drinks are free, so a good time should be had by all, right? WRONG! Bridge + Tunnel + NYU students=One Douche Zoo.

“What’s with Barack?”

I smile cos the music is loud and there’s no reason to have this type of discussion with this particular guy in this horrifying place. Then he starts in with a weird line that he keeps repeating.

“Barack likes free drinks!”

Apparently he says this cos I have a free drink in my hand. What I like, Barack must like.

“I see. Barack seems like he’s pretty cool, likes to have a good time.”

Oh boy… 

You know how some house music clubs have live drummers that enhance sound of the place? Well, this place also had one lonely live drummer, but really, what the hell is a guy with a drum gonna do with a Blur song?

“I bet Barack likes bongos!”

No. You. Didn’t.

The sound of a record being scratched to a halt in a movie always denotes that one of the characters has made some sort of faux pas. I wish I could make that sound effect with my mouth and use it whenever somebody says something that’s just too stupid to believe.

June 29, 2007. Barack Obama, New York City, Racism. 2 comments.

NYT

I meant to “glorify” myself before now, but it’s been hectic.

Last Saturday this article and acompanying video appeared on the New York Times website.

If I’m providing comic relief for Barack Obama’s campaign, then I think I’m doing my job well.

June 28, 2007. Barack Obama, Fashion, New York City, Political Action. 1 comment.

You can play at home!

Obama Store 

I just got an email about this on Friday. For a split (I mean split) second I felt a little less special, but then I got a lot more excited. This is your chance to play the Obama button game! Buy this button, speak your MIND, support the campaign, and learn exactly why I continue to write this blog and back Barack Obama for President in 2008!

June 28, 2007. Barack Obama, Fashion, Political Action. Leave a comment.

I think he’s aged a bit.

My hyper-observant friend is starting to notice changes.

“I think Barack has aged since the photo on that button was taken.”

Yes! Of course he has. Haven’t you? I am 4 years older, 4 years more jaded, and 4 years more sick of the war. This whole Bush administration has caused me plenty of premature aging. I wake up in the morning listening to NPR explaining all of the car bombing that was going on while I was asleep–WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!? How can you start your day off on the right foot like that? I can’t. And since I’m not the type of person who’s gonna change the station, I suffer and I age and I get pissed off. It all shows. I swear to god, if I could think of the most shallow reason to get rid of the present administation, it would be so that American women who engage in the world would cease this premature aging.

June 23, 2007. Barack Obama, Beauty. 2 comments.

The best thing that happened all day.

I’m sitting around waiting for nothing to happen when I hear someone yell from a bicycle.

“You’re like Batgirl for Obama!”

Wow. My night was pretty much ruined, but that stranger made me smile. Thank you fixed-geared bike person–I don’t know where my night would have headed without you!

Afterall, Batgirl was a librarian…

June 20, 2007. Barack Obama. 3 comments.

Welcome to Boston…

I went to a barbecue in Boston. This sporty looking black guy comes over to talk. 

“You’re for Mohammad?”

Barack Obama?

“Yeah, Mohammad. He’s never gonna get elected with a name like that.”

Should he change his name, you think?

“Yeah, John Smith, then he’s got my vote. Can trust anyone with a name like that. You know the bin Ladens live here in Boston?”

Nope.

“I hope they hit New York again. I own real estate. After 9/11 my rents went up from $1100 to $1800 with all the people from New York attempting to escape. When 9/11 happened I was like ‘Yes! I’m gonna make money now!’ I know its not good for everybody, but I hope they hit New York again.”

I hope not. That’s a disgusting thought.

I am shocked. The dude’s cell phone rings. He walks away to answer it. I am left thinking that I have just spoken to the worst guy EVER.

June 18, 2007. 9/11, Barack Obama, Racism, Travel. 5 comments.

Past Bedtime

In my neighborhood I believe that there are some babies who go to the bar more than I do. Everybody has seen babies at happy hour, bjorn sporting parents on barstools, and smelled that poopy diaper. I was out with my girlfriend last night listening to a dj when some people showed up to have a party for their 59 day old baby.

The baby was dressed very spiffy–plaid overalls, collared shirt, socks, so obviously he knew he was going to party. The baby’s uncle is extremely gregarious and he is moving about the bar asking women questions like, “Do you have any children?” Then he spies my button. Quickly he passes the baby off to the waitress and swoops in for a more depth conversation.

“I’m down with Obama!”

Me too!

“But is he electable?”

Of course, I feel he is very electable.

“I do too, but he does lack the foreign policy experience.”

Then my girlfriend jumps in and says, “Have you read his memoir? Not the big, fat book that’s on the NYT bestseller list right now, but the one that came out a few years ago. It’s about his childhood and growing up.”

“Well, maybe what he lacks in foreign policy experience is made up for by the fact he has a world view. Travel and living abroad is an education in itself.”

We all nod, and then suddenly the uncle heads for the bar. He is ordering shots. It is now time to drink to the baby. My girlfriend and I each receive a shot. It is also time to drink to Barack Obama.

June 15, 2007. Barack Obama, New York City, Parents. Leave a comment.

X36

When my car breaks down, I have a full-on journey to and from my job. One leg of this voyage places me on the X36 bus down Tremont through the Bronx. This bus is packed to the gills. Forget about sitting, reading, or even talking on the phone. The only thing to do on this bus is hold on for dear life as it flies down the street. But if you’re lucky, you can also talk to the teenager that’s got his armpit in your face.

“Excuse me miss, but are you trying to think that he can get elected?”

Of course!

“He don’t stand a chance against Hillary. She’s got an ex-president backing her up. There’s never been a candidate who could say that.”

Good point, kid. Are you taking bets, or something?

“No, but I bet that’s why she didn’t divorce him over Monica Lewinsky. She just wants to be president that bad so she can run the show!”

Hmm…this kid totally smells ambition.

June 14, 2007. Barack Obama, New York City, Public Transportation. 3 comments.

Toebama!

Toebama
These are my tired dogs after a long day on the streets Begging for Change. The evening beforehand I decided to forgo happy hour (almost unheard of) and get a pedicure. The ladies at my nail salon hooked up the Obama “O” for a reasonable price of $15. I had to pull out my UFT calendar to show her the Obama sticker on the back. The woman sitting next to me getting her toes done is fascinated by my choice of design.

“That’s for the Puerto Rican parade Sunday?”

Actually, its for tomorrow. I’m canvassing for Barack Obama.

“Who’s that???”

He’s the Senator from Illinois running for President.

“He the black guy?”

I nod.

“I know he already got Brooklyn’s vote. You need to take those toes to the city!”

June 10, 2007. Barack Obama, Beauty. 1 comment.

Special Ed

I never wear Obama when I’m teaching, but today I did. There were three factors that influenced this decision:

1. It is Friday.

2. It is June.

3. Tomorrow is Saturday, June 9th.

So the 5th graders that are watching “Spellbound” in the library are all in special ed.

Hilarious boy goes, “Ms. Green, he SUCKS!”

He does not!

“He does too! The other one is way better.”

Which one? Hillary?

“No! George Bush!”

But he’s not running for president. He is president.

“Duh! He already won!”

Oh my goodness, what is going to happen to us? Do you remember that show “The Dinosaurs.” Well, on one episode the Grandma dinosaur was about to get thrown off the cliff because, apparently, that’s just how dinosaurs dealt with their elderly. This kid made me remember that episode; I feel like he’d throw me off a cliff, because clearly I am old and talking nonsense. Each day at school I vacillate between losing all hope in humanity and having it fully restored by these kids.

June 8, 2007. Barack Obama. Leave a comment.

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